Rules, Reminders, and Recommendations for Michigan Drivers

Wednesday, September 27, 2006
After almost getting slammed in to this morning while driving to work, and after noticing other things about drivers this week, I have made a list of Rules, Reminders, and Recommendations for Michigan Drivers. Read it and learn. Or get angry. Or don't care at all. The choice is yours.

1. You know how, at least in Michigan, when there's going to be a lane closure or a traffic shift on a multi-lane road, they put up that huge flashing sign with the arrow that means, "You're going to have to get over eventually so why don't you work on that now?" Well, a lot of people think that the traffic barrels that come right before the sign are the signal to switch lanes, not just seeing the sign from like a mile away. That's not cool. Do not wait until you have to switch lanes. Because by doing so, you make people angry.

2. If you're going to be a jerk and change lanes at the last second, at least take the half a second to look out your window and make sure that a car - specifically my car - is not right next to you. Because if you don't, you will make people angry and the one person that you hit really angry.

3. Just because you drive a semi truck does not mean that you can make up your own rules. It also does not mean that you can yell at people when you - yes, you - cause trouble by making up your own rules.

4. There is no need for me to turn my brights off when I'm driving home from school at 11 pm on I-69 and you are coming at me from the other side of 69. Do not flash your brights at me. If yours aren't hurting my eyes, mine are not hurting your eyes. So save yourself the trouble and don't flash your brights at me 25 times because I am not going to turn them off. If a cop wants to write me a ticket, fine. I don't care. Stop annoying me.

5. The opposite is true on back roads. Just because there are no street lamps does not mean that you can leave your brights on while you drive right past me. And not just right past me - so frickin close to me that I can actually see who you are.

6. Speed limits are in place for a reason. Although, when the speed limit is 55 or higher, I consistently do 5 over. But, that doesn't mean that on an expressway (696), you should think Mario Kart DS and drive with the sole intention of passing every single person who gets in your way. It is not okay to do 10, 15, and even 20 over.

7. There is no need to slowing inch forward at a red light. Seriously, it's not a race. (Again with the Mario Kart!) Inching forward seconds before the light turns green is not going to give you an awesome advantage over the person next to you. Stop doing it, because it makes me angry. And it fakes people out.

8. When you are lost, go slow consistently. Don't get going really fast and then slow down at a cross street only to find that it's not the one you want and then get going fast again.

9. Don't rev your engine at me. Ever. I. Don't. Care. And for that matter, don't turn your system up when you are stopped next to me, for two reasons. One, my boyfriend's is louder and two, I like my boyfriend better than you.

10. If you see a stop sign, please stop. I am sick of almost hitting stupid 16 year old drivers who think that a stop sign means "slow down." A stop sign means stop. Come to a complete stop before you pass the sign and take the time to look and make sure there isn't any traffic approaching. Also, please don't assume that the car driving down the road toward you also has to stop and thus pull into the intersection when I'm almost there. There is such a thing as a two way stop. In fact sometimes, there's only one stop sign. Who would have thought?!?!

Sarah's Hate List, Volume 3

Sunday, September 10, 2006
1. The US Postal Service. It was stupid back in 2004 and it's still stupid now.

2. SC4. For the following reasons:
a) My networking teacher is awesome, thus proving that 95% of OA teachers are horrible.
b) We are not in high school anymore, yet some teachers still choose to treat us like we are. I did not pay for my high school education and so the teachers treated me like a kid. I am paying for my college education and I think the teachers, since I'm paying them to teach me, should show me some respect and not threaten to kick me out of the class just because I don't know what page we are learning about filing on, since I already know my freaking alphabet.

3. Airport security. I understand that it's there to protect me from terrorism but seriously...16 ounces of conditioner is all I can take with me for 14 days of high altitude and humidity?!

4. Bugs. All of them. There is no need for this.

5. The fact that a month ago, gas was just pushing, if not exceeding $3 a gallon (and that's where it needed to be, according to our lovely government) and now, all of the sudden, in the midst of hurricane season, it's $2.38. Idiots.

6. The fact that there are rules for filing. Seriously, if you don't know the alphabet by now, then you probably shouldn't have passed kindergarten and you definitely shouldn't be pursuing a career that requires you to be organized and thorough.

7. Ebay. And since nobody answered my question about it in 2005...who came up with that freakin idea?

8. Teachers who I've had for the past 5 semesters and yet still seem to think that just because I don't write down every word that comes out of their mouth, I must not be learning anything.

9. Teachers who make up grades depending on how they're feeling. If you're going to grade stupid homework assignments that I do during your uber-boring lectures, at least grade everybody's assignment the same way.

10. Spiders. Although this could fit under the "bugs" category, I think they're nasty enough to deserve their own mention.

11. Apple for making iTunes to work the same way with Windows as it does with OS X because that instantly makes it the worst Apple program ever created.

12. The fact that since I got my macbook, Apple has acknowledged 2 problems with macbooks and agreed to fix them both, but both of those problems are not the problem I have been having.

13. The fact that Michigan expressways are some of the most dangerous ones in the country and yet, we have the highest speed limits and are constantly begging for them to be raised even though no one drives under the existing limits.

14. How sometimes you can get a headache that only hurts on one side of your head.

15. How commercials are always like 10 times louder than the TV show you were watching.

16. That Fall TV schedules can't be concrete:
a) We only get 6 episodes of Lost and then we have to wait until February sweeps for the rest of the season?! Who came up with that plan?
b) Scrubs doesn't premiere until mid-season! That's just not fair.

17. How coffee has to taste like dirt, but yet it's quasi-good for you and calorie-free and yet cappuccino is delicious and full of sugar and calories.

18. Wet dogs. They stink. Ammended 9/13/2006 at 5:35 p.m.: Wet dogs aren't as worth hating as the stupid idiots who decided that Pluto wasn't good enough to be a planet. Pluto lives! Who's with me? Anyone?

19. Microsoft. For being communists. Because now that I have a mac and can download awesome open source programs right from apple's web site for free, I truly see how horrible Microsoft is.

20. The US Postal Service. Because my hatred toward them is so great that it needs 2 of the 20 available slots on this year's Sarah's Hate List.


Awe-freaking-some.