Uncomfortable Situation, Meet Sarah!

Back in high school, I went through what I like to refer to as "the dark ages." Looking back, I regret pretty much everything about high school and talking about it makes me feel like some stupid misinformed kid. I don't really talk about my high school experiences because I do not enjoy reflecting on them. Plus, I come from a family that does not talk about uncomfortable circumstances. So, it seems natural to me.

I went to a private school for kindergarten, a second private school through fourth grade, was home schooled for fifth grade, and then went to a third private school for sixth through ninth grades. Up until the last school, I had no complaints. I less-than-affectionately referred to the school (NLCA) as the "nasty little crackhead association."

I have always been a leader and not at all a follower. The cliques at NLCA were formed before I got there. Some of those kids had been in school together since kindergarten and they weren't about to let newcomers in. They did, eventually, and I even made some pretty good friends. I still talk with some of them from time to time. However, I was miserable. I felt like because the school was so small, we were forced to be friends with people we would never be friends with on our own. After much debate with my parents, they allowed me to switch to public school for the remainder of my high school years.

Things went downhill from there. Public school was worse than the last private school. Those kids all drew up together. There wasn't room for new kids. Sure, I made some friends. I'm marrying one of them soon! But it wasn't what I expected and it wasn't a situation that I enjoyed. I felt like I had no friends and that nobody understood how difficult the adjustment was. I ended up getting into self injury.

Back then, 8 years ago, it wasn't the thing it is now. Apparently, now, it's a pretty common thing. Why? Because kids talk about it and they hear about it from others. I had never heard of it. I thought I was the only person in the world.

But, I get it. I understand why it helps and why it appeals to so many people. Anyway, some people at school found out and I ended up in counseling. It helped, but ultimately I had to overcome it on my own.

I was not aware that most people knew this about me.

Until Sunday.

The wife of the youth leader at my church called. They have a girl in youth group who has been struggling with it and they just don't know what to say to her. They asked if she would be willing to talk to someone about it who was familiar with it, and she said yes with no hesitation.

So Wednesday night, I have to go to youth group to meet with this girl that I do not know and talk to her about something that I have not talked about in 5 years...something that I do not want to talk about because it is a time in my life that I wish had never happened.

Great.